“I need you to replace the spigot in the backyard…by tomorrow,” said my wife.
My muscles immediately tensed up as I blurted out, “But I don’t know how to do that.”
It was a disproportionately passionate response to my wife’s simple request. Normally it's not a problem for me to seek out someone who can help me learn how to do a new project or watch a YouTube video to learn. In fact, this request just came on the heels of me learning how to order the parts and successfully fix our refrigerator’s ice maker. I usually feel comfortable discovering a solution and working with my hands on mechanical things.
What was behind my overly passionate response?
Sometimes our responses are more negative than expected.
Do you ever find yourself angry, irrational, upset or reactive out of the blue… and then quickly stuff your emotions back down where they came from?
How many times do we experience a flare-up of passionate negative emotion because under the surface it’s being pushed to the surface by fear?
Gary Haugen said:
“Fear is the silent killer of dreams.”
This is a true statement, and I would add to it that fear seems to kill off vision, eliminates possibilities, shrinks your world, and begins to ruin your physical health.
As I was journaling today, I realized that there was fear hiding underneath my response to that small honey-do item my wife delegated to me. As I reflected on my irrational protestation to outdoor plumbing, it became clear that my comment was masking the real issue.
What fears were fueling my outburst?
- I won’t be able to do the job successfully.
- I will make it worse, not better.
- I’ll take it apart and not get it back together and we won’t be able to turn on the water to our whole house.
- I will mess it up and we’ll have to spend money we don’t have for someone to fix it.
The list can grow long as you focus on what could go wrong.
Whatever you focus on will grow large in you.
It’s so important to take regular time to reflect and take inventory of our fears. My fears in this situation were based on lies. I was believing the lie that “I am not enough.” I am not smart enough, mechanical enough, good enough. Other lies I was listening to include: my wife won’t accept me or love me as much if I can't successfully fix this problem. It seems silly even as I type this up, but that’s how lies work. But once you can identify them, and say them out loud, they fail to hold the same sway over us.
Unexamined fears will unwittingly lead you.
It’s time to switch from defense to offense to play to win. It’s important that we face our fears, sort out the lies, and instead apply truth to them. We must walk with others in a community of courage. If we choose to live in isolation, the lies of the enemy will multiply and be louder in our ears.
A friend sent me this message this week:
“We arrange our life around what we worship. If we are arranging our life around fear, we have made it our god and we are worshipping it by the way that we serve it.”
The next time you have what I call a disproportionate emotional response, remember this little story about a spigot, and take time out to reflect on what fear might be pushing up those emotions to the surface.
I look forward to seeing you at our Sunday Worship Service in the Dome beginning at 10:00 a.m.
You can also live stream our 10:00 a.m. service on Facebook and YouTube.
If you missed last week's message Unforced Rhythms of Grace from my series, #13 "The Rhythm of a Peace Maker" by Megan Eden, click here.
