A few years ago, one of the young men of our church died at a young age. I was stunned and so shocked that I didn’t weep for days until I made the trip to visit his parents. Upon seeing the crushed look in his father’s eyes, I hugged him, and the tears began to flow. The mourning, weeping, questions, shock and overwhelming grief were almost too much to bear. As we sat together for hours and wept, there was a corporate expression of lament – messy, unrefined, littered with words you don’t say in front of your mother that was all punctuated with ill-timed comments, jokes, laughter and silence.
In these days, I believe Christians have not been taught the power and biblical value of lament. Our culture doesn't promote grieving or showing emotion connected to pain.
Repressed grief is a recipe for a disastrous meltdown.
Our culture tells us to run as far away from grief as we can. Many people feel so uncomfortable that they hide their pain and leave their sorrow unexpressed. They are told to “get over it,” or stuff your pain. They tell you time heals – that’s a lie, too. There is much fear that if you truly express your grief and pain, you will unravel and never be able to compose yourself.
Eugene Peterson, the translator of The Message, brilliantly summarizes it this way in his book, Leap Over A Wall-
“The worst thing is failing to deal with reality and becoming disconnected from what is actual… Obviously, what we must never do is get over it as soon as possible or make as little of it as we can. ‘Get over it’ and ‘make little of it’ are not biblical. It's not human. Denial and distraction are the standard over-the-counter prescriptions of our culture for dealing with loss; in combination, they’ve virtually destroyed the spiritual health of our culture. The societal effect is widespread addiction and depression. Addiction is our most popular method of denying death… We don’t become mature human beings by getting lucky or cleverly circumventing loss, and certainly not by avoidance and distraction. We must learn to lament.”
Last Sunday we talked a bit about the concept of lament, and I want to take the next few weeks to unpack how we can learn what Lament may mean for us today.
Lament
Lament has been defined as “a passionate expression of grief or sorrow.” Within Scripture, lament has the added significance of mingling our grief and sorrow with prayer as we bring it into the presence of God. Many have said that to grieve is human, but to lament is distinctly a Judeo-Christian practice.
Mark Vroegop says this:
“… lament is different than crying because lament is a form of prayer. It is more than just the expression of sorrow or the venting of emotion. Lament talks to God about pain. And it has a unique purpose: trust. It is a divinely-given invitation to pour out our fears, frustrations, and sorrows for the purpose of helping us to renew our confidence in God.”
There seems to be a pattern of sorts to some of the Psalms of Lament in the Bible that may help us understand how Lament moves us from where we are in our pain, to a deeper place of trust in Jesus.
Lament gives our pain a name.
Lament often serves as the beginning (first time) for those who suffer and weep in silence, to put words to their feelings. This can be an expression of pain, worry, sorrow, injustice and an appeal to God to answer your cry. This part of lamenting is raw, unfiltered, and maybe not clean and tidy language. In the Psalms we see David asking God to kill his enemies and for all sorts of destruction to come to his foes.
My counselor friends often refer to the wisdom of being able to give your emotions a name, or multiple names if need be. Lament provides a place for that – either spoken verbally or written down in your journal, or as poetry, a spoken word or a song.
Lament is a place of hope returning.
Lament also begins the process of hoping for the return of God’s voice and with it, his favor towards those in distress in both this lifetime and the next. This phase of the “song” or prayer of lament is a calling on God and a re-connection with him. Asking God to intervene in our world and being specific about what we want God to do is an important step forward into your pain. The Lord is clear about giving us the right to approach His throne boldly in prayer. Taking your pain to God shows that you believe that God is trustworthy and safe enough to surrender it to Him. At this point, there is an invitation for the presence of God in your situation.
Lament often contains remembrance.
Many Psalms transition from the raw pain and crying out to God for his salvation to a time of remembering. If we want to strengthen ourselves in the Lord, it is so important to begin to rehearse the true character of God and how He has come through for us before. As we thank God for how He saved us in the past, our hope and faith begin to rise that He will once again work to help us.
Lament often ends in new trust and strength.
After reflecting on God’s character and wonderful deeds, the Psalmist would often declare that a new strength was arriving with new trust in God. I rarely get the feeling that by the end of the Psalm the writer is “all better.” I do think the practice of lamenting, especially when done in relationship and in concert with others, brings a measure of peace, strength, trust and resolve that we need to move forward through our pain.
Lament can shape the culture.
Eugene Peterson also writes this:
“Pain entered into, accepted, and owned can become poetry. It’s no less pain, but it’s no longer ugly… the way we deal with loss enters into the atmosphere and makes us a people capable of nobility and beauty. Lament shapes the culture.”
Your lamenting, when shared with others, shapes others as well. David writes the Song of the Bow lamenting King Saul's and Jonathan’s deaths in 2 Samuel 1. He writes it and then commands the entire nation to sing it as a collective lament of their leaders’ demise. When we enter into lament with others we identify more closely with their feelings, pain and process. It gives our soul depth and we learn valuable lessons about who God is.
If we refuse to learn this Davidic lamentation our lives fragment into episodes and anecdotes, but lament allows us to stay into our messy story and make the most of our pain.
Next week I will continue with part two on the topic of Lament.
I look forward to seeing all of you who choose to worship with us in the Dome this Sunday at either 9:00 a.m. or 11:00 a.m.
You can also live stream our 11:00 a.m. service on Facebook and YouTube
If you missed last Sunday's message, "Lessons from Three Kings", Week 16: "Witches, Dying Well, and Lament" click here.
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